"If God does things for a reason, he sure has a bunch of psychopaths carrying out his job orders."

--Fox Mulder

I have a $900 (not that anyone paid that much) computer with enough memory to store 75% of the library of congress (approx) but I'm playing Pong. Badly. A $1 CD of ancient by computer game standards games and I'm all tangled up in arcade games. I have played 30 minutes worth of classic atari games and lost consistently. Tho I am not as bad at Centipede as I am at Pong. It's hard dammit. That little paddle is all teeny and stuff.
In other news...I have to go to BG to explain why my plan for an independent study is a good idea and I should get credit for it. Due to my general feeling of malaise I am having trouble getting too excited about the possibility. But I have the proposal and some possible bibliographic sources and I would just like to say-I would really benefit from this working out-I'm tired of this stupid battle for this degree. I'm sick of not getting any breaks and it seems like I've shown time and again that I am willing to work hard. I've worked my ass off. I don't have a perfect GPA but I have the scars to show that I've been around and done my best. If I could just get this independent study to go my way that would make me happy. I might even begin the process of forgiving all the fucking over I've gotten at the hands of this program if three out of the four semesters went relatively alright I'd be able to forgive the ass fuck that was my first semester. THo I will NEVER forgive JAK. Rot Asshole. How that worthless excuse maintains employment is beyond me. He single-handedly cut my graduating class by more than half that should be worthy of redundancy but no one's asked me. I think I'm really only bitter about him-well him and the fact that I never got one motherfuckin dime in grant/scholarship/assistantship money despite being a better student (based entirely, I admit, on my own appraisal of my fellows) than several of the incoming this semester. Or better isn't the word-harder-I've always worked harder than a lot of people. Having to overcome the mental illness, the eating disorder, the abusive relationship, all that of course being FAR in the past-but it still is a bit haunting of course. Being, as I am, completely alone and sometimes I think adrift (tho I am neither of these things, anyone that spends a good deal of time inside her head with no break-sometimes I go 24 hours without speaking sometimes I can go even longer--reality becomes distorted) I have anger issues about how much work I've had to do for this degree compared to what I see everyone else doing. But I don't see their lives...I bet they see me with my constant stream of shows living in Nashville living "the life" being a groupie in my "spare" time and it probably looks better. Nevermind that...it's old news. I have nothing to complain about unless I don't convince MA that I have a clear and organized plan for an independent study. Like I said, if I can do this then I have 3 of 4 semesters that didn't suck too horribly.
RIGHT-so otherwise. I think I have one of those month long tumors that are going around. I just don't feel good. Or I'm depressed or something. Maybe I'll just practice my moaning...uhhhhnnnn....uhhhhhnnnnn.....I wish I owned When Harry Met Sally... on DVD cuz I'd watch that right now it would do me good.
I have no life
Let me further that---Colbert Report minutea

On notice:

grizzy bears
bob woodruff
tornto raptors
british empire
business csual
barbra streisand
black hole at center of gravity

Dead to me:

cnn en espanol
california's 50th istrict
new york intellectuals
men with beards
screw top wines
bow tie pasta
Heather somebody