no I would not give you false hope on this strange and mournful day

Home in Nashville
My apartment is very quiet and cold and empty
Baxter couldn't come home
He had to stay in Ohio
His health improved quite a bit over the course of the last couple of weeks but he just isn't in the shape to go on a 10 hour road trip
I cried myself to sleep nearly every night after I got home to Ohio
No matter how much I cried I couldn't come to terms with that I would be in this apartment alone
Still, even as I sit here and it is very real that I am here without my dog I am still unable to fully accept that I am alone
I keep thinking he will somehow be here
There's all this dog food and his dishes waiting for him and he isn't here
I am so sad
I could wax very poetic and talk about all my favorite times with Baxter and everything but all I really have right now is that I am completely alone
He is still alive and he is not doing so bad---he was ready to tear a encroaching kitty limb from limb this morning---he just can't be with me
Ma said if he gets better she'll bring him to me-in their van where he can ride comfortably. He never liked Rosie---not roomy enough I guess...She said if he can come home she'll make sure he gets here
My apartment smells like him-there's dog hair on everything even tho I cleaned for 3 days before leaving
He's everywhere and he's not here
How can that be?
I am so damn alone I just don't know what to do with myself