Girl, you ain't gettin' no younger....

This morning I had to go stand on the dole line. I can't decide who is living life all wrong me-with a 15/20 hour a week job that barely brings in enough per month to pay my phone bills and 3/4 of a graduate- in folk studies of all lucrative ideas -degree done or the 18 year old with a GED, no husband, 2 kids and another on the way. Whoever's in the wrong we were both on the line this morning-screaming babies, bitching women and men that look like they might go for a leisurely stroll along the train tracks at 4:15. It is truly one of the most depressing things I've lived through. But I won't have to go back for 6 months. It's amazing how fast that time passes.
Then I went to work. Two hours later I was home.
Baxter didn't greet me at the door.
He was standing up on the bed and when I said "Boy, get on down." He didn't. Not like him. Then he was watching me eat and I tossed a potato at him. He jumped up to catch it and his back legs fell out from under him. That ripped me up. I'd been ok with finals and the meeting and stress and everything like that but when Bax fell I did too. He scared the hell out of me. I called Mum sobbing "Something's the matter with Baxter!" She talked to me and told me that he's an old dog and everything like that...I was a mess-I couldn't even think straight I was so horrified at the idea of what Baxter not his usual self could mean. Ma said I should go to Kroger and get some burger and fry it up with some rice because that's good for dogs that're feeling poorly.
So I did. About a half pound of burger and a cup at least of rice. I dished it out for Baxter. He ate it up and gave me a look. So I gave him the rest of it. And he finished that...Then he was heard nosing around on the stove to see if there was more meat...
The question I have is---is Baxter feeling bad and really getting very old all of a sudden---or is he a conniving so and so? Or is he a conniving so and so that's getting all old and tired? I don't know. But he ate-and he's happy. And I feel really bad, because crying drains me of any energy reserves I might have (it's not much I can tell you). I feel like I've been run over by a truck...That dog means that much to me...It's going to be hard I know---it's hard now and he's just less than himself...goddammit.