For what it's worth

How to make a simple task unbelievably time consuming: A guide

First, decide you need to make a simple purchase. Trainers, for example. If you live near a large outlet mall this shouldn't take more than 45 minutes. Pop into the store, grab the first pair of shoes that fit reasonably well and pop out in time for tea.
Upon arrival at the large outlet mall begin to doubt your first brand choice. Try on several dozen shoes, worry you might be spending too much. Decide you should shop around at every shoe store in the large outlet mall. Try on seven thousand pairs of shoes. Decide the first choice was the right one. Begin walk back to shoe store. Experience very annoying and painful pain. Stop and get a 15 minute massage. Return to your first stop, prepared to buy lovely pair of tennis shoes that look an awful bloody lot like the pair you're wearing. Realize that would be your third or fourth consecutive pair of blue and white tennis shoes. Become despondent. Spot thoroughly gaudy purple and silver shoes just clearanced-woo! $50 from $120! Buy two, you mad thing! At that price you simply must! On a whim, check your shoe size. Begin to doubt everything you believe when you measure your foot and discover you've been wearing the wrong size shoe your whole adult life. Long for alcohol. Walk around the store for 15 minutes wearing 2 different size shoes. Notice no discernable difference between the two sizes. Opt for the size you've been wearing all along. Wait in a twenty minute line. Begin to wonder if you really need new shoes that much. Seriously condsider not buying shoes. Grow to hate your shoe choice. Just about turn around to put the damn things back onto the shelf and just buy a pair of flip flops from Walgreens. Buy the damn shoes. Feel all cranky because the whole day was spent buying shoes and now it's too late to go to the park and try out new shoes.
Still have to go to the damn grocery store. Shop. Buy lots of random groceries. Realize all you've eaten today is a pack of string cheese and half a cup of oatmeal. Somehow manage to be even more cranky than previous reaches. Want to cry. Get in line-wait in another 20 minute queue. Roll eyes at Britney Spears' new status as one of the many bi-polar celebrities. Better bi-polar than crazy bitch, you suppose. go through line. Leave potatoes and pretzels in the cart. Have a nervous breakdown when you can't find the pretzels on the drive home. Unpack groceries. Put on new shoes. Turn around, go back looking for pretzels. Begin to think of pretzels with the same passion Indiana Jones thought of the Holy Grail. Get to the store. See the carts have been taken in and thus your precious pretzels are gone. Want to cry.
Go to Wal-Mart for Propane and Pretzels and Potatoes. Find the propane wall empty. Return to the truck. Fight with the dog who refuses to leave the driver's seat. Make frantic hand motion that probably looks like you're trying to keep your brain inside your head. Swear. A lot.
Stop at local ghetto mart. Buy single beer. Cook hot dog on George Foreman grill. Notice how comfortable your new shoes are. Eat candy.