If you'll be my bodyguard

"So, how much work do you actually have during the day?"
"What kind of question is that Dad? I have 8 full hours of work every day."
*Pause*
"I'm there 8 hours a day."
*Pause*
"About 2 1/2 hours."
"That's what I thought. And the rest of the time?"
"I'm a special kind of productive."

There is a new apartment in my future. When I'm not tired I'll sketch out a floorplan in paint and subject people to my amazing skillz. Until then, I say that it is small, but private and I can do what I want to it.
I went to the Habitat for Humanity store after work today. They have buckets and buckets of paint for $5 a gallon and rolls of carpet for $35. Why shop anywhere else? I'm going to spend some time there this weekend picking through the paint and go to the housewares store and see if they have anything I can't live without. I'm sure they do.
And after some figuring, I don't think it'll be that much more than what I'm paying now. Maybe $50. So, I might have to cancel the cable. Or maybe I won't. Depends on my mood.
Whatever, as Mik (aka Ms. Got Me Evicted) said, Old Landlady is Rubbish. (I like to imagine her saying this with a POSH BRITISH ACCENT.)
Or, as Mum said, "Fuck her."
I can't wait to get to decorating this new place. It's got CHARACTER. (Code for I'm moving into a pigsty but whatevs. It's gonna be great. Once it's been cleaned up.)
I'm excited. I even get a porch. All I don't get is a washer hookup. But that's something I can work with. Maybe they'll let me use their washer. Maybe I'll go to the laundrette twice a month.

AND at work I successfully scheduled 3 meetings today! I am SO PROUD OF ME!
It doesn't take much.
I'm a screw up.

Mostly, I tried to figure out what I'm going to do about internet (gots to have my web) and googled random stuff.

Like this. This is so funny I was literally crying. Tears. Streaming down my face. Painful laughter. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It's got to be about the funniest thing I've ever read.

Despite the fact that I'm laughing just thinking about that, I can guarantee no one reading this will even crack a smile. If you laugh even half as hard as I did, I wish to marry you. It'll be a small ceremony, just family and friends. Afterwards, we'll throw a huge party with everyone we know invited and I'll sing Volare and Blue Moon of Kentucky. You can perform an impromptu rap song and sing Georgia on My Mind. Everyone will smoke cigars and snack on microwave popcorn and lite beer. It'll be beautiful.

If that didn't amuse you, perhaps you are feeling too emo to enjoy that touching tribute. Maybe what you need is something a little more intense and thoughtful. Something that really showcases your pain.
You'll probably want to watch that twice, to get the full impact. I'm still crying.

Coupland is sitting in the light of the TV. He's glowing like a devil dog. It's cute.

"So, what did you name the cat?"
"Al."
"Al?"
"Al."
"Like, you can call me Al?"
"Kind of like that, yeah."
"Strange name for a cat."
"Have you ever met two cats named Steve and Jeff?"
"They didn't name them."
"Well, I did name Al. It's a good name. He's a lucky cat. He gets to do a video with Chevy Chase."
"Is that lucky?"
"Might have been, at one time."