the innocence can never last

One of the side effects of being what will, I suspect very soon, become unemployed, is the hours I find myself keeping. I roll out over and turn on the TV around 8:30am watch the last 30 minutes of the day before's General Hospital. Sometimes I get up and make coffee. Usually not. Around 9 I turn on the computer to see if I missed anything whilst sleeping. The Daily Show is on a 9 and Colbert is on at 9:30. These viewings are usually my third for each and on everyday but Monday and Thursday I watch these shows at least one more time. Probably around the second commercial on the Report I finally get around to that coffee. I'm usually dressed by the time Ellen is on-All my Children at the latest---well, the next day at the latest---but usually by 12:30.
My afternoons are meaningless. I watch SciFi channel-the X Files-Quantum Leap-Twilight Zone if any of those are on. The time between when General Hospital ends and the Daily Show begins is the worst. It's a very long stretch of time (7 hours) in which I have to be conscious that requires nothing of me. I usually putz around with my computer and watch re-runs of Good Times. I watch approx 20 episodes of Good Times a week. Everything in my life is based on TV-what's on TV, how things relate to TV, what TV looks like without my glasses on thru my plastic free in a box of oats wine tumbler-anything having to do with TV. TV is my most nearby friend-it isn't the best of friends-but it also doesn't worry about me if I'm drunk and crying uncontrollably to When September Ends by Green Day. This has only happened once, the last time I heard the song I mocked it mercilessly. I mocked lots of things mercilessly today-since, I forced myself to leave the house and go up to school early---like way early 3 hours--so that I wasn't sitting in my apartment watching soaps being alone and contemplating pulling my bed back out and just falling back to sleep.
I don't even have a reason to be depressed-other than the Seasonal Affective Disorder that is paralyzing my soul. Other than that I have no reason to be depressed. Some days I don't even go out of the house and while that used to be a treat---not having to pretend to want to be part of society---now it's the norm. I have very little human contact. I appreciate what I get---but I don't seek it out.
Was talking to Mum today-she said "Yr dad says you don't like to go to bars anymore because of the men that hit on you."
"I don't."
"Why not?"
"THe men that hit on me, I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than with any of them."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think it's how you dress? I mean, I don't KNOW how you dress, but I always see you in jeans and t-shirts."
"Yeh, and Chucks."
"What kind of guy do you attract?"
"Dirty, scraggly, no tooth havin' good ole boys without jobs or prospects."
"And what do you find attractive?"
"Same kind of guy I've always found attractive you know."
"No, I really don't know."
"Well, either scruffy, kind of clean hippies." (By this I am thinking Todd Snider, Hayes Carll, kind of scruff. The sort that can clean up if the occassion warrants.)"Or really clean cut, no facial hair, button down shirts, bespectacled nerds of the highest degrees."
"You want a college professor."
"Well, yeah."
"And, do you think you're going to get a college professor looking like..."
"I'm readying to kick some ass?"
"Well, basically."
Seems to me my intellect should show through my appearance. Or I could try dressing like a girl and see what happens. I am excited to say that one of my professors referred to me as "thin" today and while it was not proper to say thanks for that I was excited someone thought of me as thin. (For further information-I was showing off my belt buckle-it makes sense, really.)
SO-I spent 3 hours in the cabin today with B. Mostly listening to old time music and picking apart everything other than ourselves. For example-slash fanfiction-which he had never heard of !!!! Can you believe it-shocking. Or maybe, I wish I had never heard of it but I can't give it up. It is like the crack.
"It is so hilarious to read these descriptions of sex written by 15 year olds that haven't had sex with one man much less with 2."
"Yr showing yr age thinking 15 yr olds haven't had sex. In that very building behind us 15 year olds are having sex with 2 guys as we speak."
"Okay-given-maybe I just have trouble with the fairness of the whole thing. I can't get sex with one man."
"Well...you....uh..." it seems to me the conversation changed topic for awhile. Then I read some slash-y "goodness" from the Jon needs to get back with Stephen camp. I have no comment on this-other than I don't understand why Stephen is always the "girl" in the relationship. Much laughter was had--I will refrain from link-y good links so that no one there thinks I'm making fun of their hobby. Which I'm not-I read it-it entertains me that isn't something I would make fun of. Wonder about, yeh, but make fun of, not at all.
"The best part is, if you do research, you could turn it into a book, and then you could go on a book tour."
"Mmmm---I would have to tour all the news shows...fake and otherwise....very interesting...."
I now have a new life goal.
Note to me: meeting with e on Thurs at 3:45, maybe have something worthwhile to contribute, I doubt that will be my thoughts on slash fiction--done with plenty of time to grab a pint before class (ha...mostly...not really...I'd have to move my truck if I did that)
Further note to me: Strangers with Candy is airing on Comedy Central on Feb 6 at 1-2pm and Feb 8 from 1-3am. That's exciting.
Got to continue watching the Daily Show for the second time in 2 hours.
Oh and
Note to self: You have to get out of bed tomorrow. You need to buy stamps.
See, a reason to get up.
And another thing: I want a Muhlenberg County dog-I will give it an esoteric Western Kentucky name----like Merle Travis (that isn't esoteric enough---I'll think of something---John Prine? Flat picker? I'll have to look into it.) I do not want a rooster.