Ain't nobody's business but ours

When it comes to writing reviews I'm terrible. I can't tell you wyhat was a storyline without rewriting the story and I can't say why something is good or great as the case may be in a few easily digestable phrases. That's not my strong suit and I think that my opinion isn't a reason to do or not do anything. Even if I've said repeatedly that I think otherwise about things.
That being as may be-I went to see Brokeback Mountain today. I don't go to a lot of movies. This year I've seen 4 movies in the theatre-The Brothers Grimm, Walk the Line, Be Here to Love Me and now Brokeback Mountain (by year, I mean 12 month length of time). 4 movies-2 of which star Heath Ledger-I wouldn't know Heath Ledger if he showed up at my doorstep with a pizza and some candy but of the VERY FEW total movies (not just the ones in the theatre) he's starred in 2-interesting. I can't describe this movie-I felt uncomfortable watching it-the way I would feel if I accidentally caught a declaration of affection between two people that were unaware they were being watched. The gay aspect meant nothing to me-I didn't care that they were men, I cared that the characters seemed to truly FEEL these emotions, despite seeming to not want to feel what they couldn't deny. That is the story-that's what's important--not who feels these things but the feelings it was devastating and heatbreaking. The love was painful and rarely freeing there was so little communication. I don't want to describe the film-the cinematography is beautiful and the film feels realistic---like I said, almost too much. It's a long film, but even when I felt the need to get up I didn't I had to watch I couldn't miss anything that happened, Was afraid that the limited time Jack and Ennis got to spend together and that I got to spend with them would be cheapened by walking out of the theatre. When the movie was over, I stayed for the credits, like ya do. I always watch all of the credits-or the majority-up until the soundtrack is listed-usually until the dedication-a lot of people spent a lot of time making a movie and even if I don't read the names I feel that it is somewhat important to watch the scroll. For a person that really doesn't like films that much-I really do love the movies-the right movies, anyway.
I broke down crying during the credits. I'd barely cried during the film but as the credits ended my shoulders began to shake, my eyes burned and tears began welling up in my eyes. I wasn't even aware that I was going to cry-it just happened. The credits over I walked into the restroom, closed myself in a stall and cried more. I was very effected by something-I walked around the mall for an hour-went to Barnes and Noble and read the short story the film was based upon-just to stay with the characters a little longer...That isn't something I remember doing before-wanting to walk back into a film, I've done that--but not wanting to hold onto characters, reclaim the events of the story-that was new.
Maybe I was open today-open and accepting to stories/emotions and if I had gone to the movie tomorrow I wouldn't have felt the same way when I left-wounded, raw, disconnected from the rest of the people in the mall.
Whatever the case, it was a beautiful film about a complicated relationship. It makes me sick that people are writing the story off as a "fag" movie or JUST about "GAY cowboys." It's not porn, it's not cheap and it isn't something to write off as simply anything---it is one of the few movies in memory that left me without the power of speech, feeling as if I had to do SOMETHING to regain possession of the characters, wanting not to go back into the theatre but back into their world.