I was taught to fight, taught to win, I never thought I could fail

Today was another banner day in the continuing saga of me.
Yet another job and yet another chance to be reminded how prepared for the professional world I am not.
Unless I want to work part-time nights at a deli in a grocery store on the other side of town.
Oh, now, I despise myself and everything about me-but I just can't put myself through that kind of torture yet.

Talking to Mum today we had this conversation:
MUM: You need to get ahold of your network see if any of them can help you or connect you to someone that might be able to find work for you.
ME: I don't really have a network. I got out of touch with people and at this point I'm so down on myself I couldn't do it.
MUM: Well, you should. While you're still fresh out of school and not after you've been working at Wal-Mart for 6 months.
ME: I agree but I'm in a very bad place. I don't know what I'm going to do.
MUM: It's a tough place.

We talk for a couple of sentences. I say that it's not a good topic of discussion. It is bounced but caught.

ME: I'm afraid-I'm out of ideas. I can't even express how bad things are. I couldn't.
MUM: Well, I don't want to talk about this. I have to get off the phone. There's nothing to say. I can't help you.
ME: I know.

How well I know.

There is nothing to say. She's right. It's all been said and said and nothing changes. There's nothing that can be done to help me. If I can't help myself then I might as well brace myself for it to get a whole lot worse. There's only a little more time I can keep going on the little bit of money I have but that's not the big problem.