Drop me in the water

"So, what are you doing?"
"I had to stop at the UPS store to drop off the old Dish reciever and now I'm turning in my time card and then I'm going to go buy an iPod."
"What?"
"Yeah, I works hard. I pay my bills. I'm buying a goddam iPod."
"I thought you were waiting until the 90 gig came out."
"80 and I was. But I want a new toy now."
Sounds of grumbling from Dad. "I thought we talked about this. Why now?"
Because I'm manic, Mum. People in the grip of mania love the Apple store. Trips to the Apple store are actually listed as a sign of mania in this post-post-modern society.
"When everything goes to shit at least I'll have an iPod."
"It's up to you," (I'm telling you not to do this) "but I think you should save $50 dollars a week for a couple of months and buy the 80 gig. Instead of wasting your time with last years model. You like your toys new."
"I should." (Thank you for answering the phone.)
Fast-forward a few minutes. Most of which is spent complaining about Wes the sub-human. Abridged version: he fell asleep at the front desk. He pisses me off. I deal until after he gets back from lunch he installed himself at one of the public computers (he is no longer allowed on the staff PCs). I only realized this because T (the page) told me that he was over putzing in the lab---Idiot Boy disappears for lengthy periods of time and I call it a respite. I don't look for him. I'm kind of hoping he gets lost and wanders out of the building..and into traffic.
Upon hearing of his new trick, I went all Cuddy on his ass. It was so cool. Ever so quietly, I walked over to where he was sitting and pulled a chair away from the table. BANG! I shoved the chair against the wood. He didn't look up. I put my hands on my hips, "WES! You are not being paid to putz around on the public computers." Before he could answer I turned and walked back to my post at the front desk.
I'd make an awesome dictator.
So, ANYWAY! Mum called me old. Since I fail to see the charm in a spoiled brat getting paid the same as I do for doing fuck all and also because (even when I hear a crowd singing 'Sweet Caroline' the sure fire good time song) I don't party like I used to.
"I beg to differ. Why just yesterday I bought a box of Boo Berry cereal. That's not something an old person would do."
"That just sounds disgusting."
"It turns your milk a pretty blue-y purple color."
"Yum."
"And the other day I found a yo-yo at work and spent the whole day perfecting yo tricks."
"There's a difference between old and mature."
"So you're saying I can be a bitter, cranky, curmudgeon AND hopelessly immature?"
"Clearly."

So, gentle reader, I am iPod-less even now. Despite all my working and paying my bills and shit.