If they knew how I felt they'd bury me alive

Not much to say tonight.
That Lump sumbitch is still destroying company morale with his presence. We have to have three people at all times. I don't think he counts as a person, but I guess my opinion doesn't count for much.
My anger issues are flaring up.
I was dangerously close to a panic attack last night and most of today. That tightness in my chest, the violent flashing pangs of anger. It was all there. How I've avoided a full fledged episode I'm not sure.
The fact that I am being forced to work with an idiot should not cause me to want to go out to Circuit City and blow every dime in my checking account on some new, unnecessary electronic device.
But it does.
It's all so very healthy.
I hate not being in control.
The funny thing is that I am in control. There's nothing I need to change about my behavior. I just need to not kill the dumbass and everything will go back to normal when J comes back to work.
Still, the urge to wrap my hands around his scrawny, priveleged throat remains. I am not sure how to drown that desire.
My landlady is on my shit list as well. She means well, I'm sure that in her twisted brain every bit of spying on me she does is to protect me. She called to find out why I'd turned off my phone (Landlines are archaic? That's a good reason. But so is she, so she wouldn't realize the obvious.) And she wanted to know why the satellite people had been at the house. She wasn't here when that happened. She's having me watched. That is just bloody lovely.
Real Man That Loves Jesus wrecked his truck on Saturday. Took the turn too early is my guess. Happens a couple of times a year. I don't think another car was involved. I looked outside to see who was the cause of the screeching brakes. Recognizing the car I decided I didn't care and shut the door. I decided I hadn't seen anything. That's what he gets for being a loser.
These emotions seem irrational.
Am I reacting in an inappropriate manner?
I'm more than a little concerned.
I won't admit that out loud until I'm so mentally fucked that I can barely dress myself.