In nomine patri

Bless me blogger for I have sinned. It has been less than one day since my last confession...
I have failed at studying and feel confident in my knowledge of the material that I will only fail comps by a small margin as opposed to a triumphant and outrageous failure the likes of which have NEVER BEEN SEEN!!!
*My child, do you not have over one week to study?*
Yes, I do blogger, but I am afraid that with each attempt to re-read my notes I feel like I am only re-visiting information with which I am already acquanted. I would much rather watch Little People, Big World and have knowledge given to me as opposed to doing anything that might involve active learning.
*Is it learning if you already know it?*
How can I say I know ANYTHING-simply because I know what I have already studied and written, that doesn't mean I have learned a thing only that I remember previous experience.
*That is learning by most the standards of most.*
It still seems that I have little chance of passing the exam, and yet, I can't study. The solitude of studying only serves to frustrate me. I haven't studied since my first semester in this program.
*How have you done thus far?*
Not great, not awful. There's no accolades in my future-I feel no shame at my grades, but there are no laudes in my future. Not that I care really-I just want to not attend school anymore. I am so fuckin'...sorry... just so very sick of school. Awards don't matter much to me-I just want to get on with my life.
*Then what are you worried about?*
Failure.
*Seems a bit inappropriate given your goals. Don't you think that you have done a significant amount of work already and the only task you truly need to succeed at is the completion of a task?*
But I believe it is very likely I will fail.
*And so you give it another go. It's not the end of the world.*
If only I knew how to study.
*You are prepared to fail?*
Yes, I expect it.
*You haven't studied in yr higher education career?*
Not exactly-not like I think people usually do.
*What are you worried about?*
Shame. I don't want to feel shame.
*You may not be lying-but you're not telling the truth either.*
I want to screw it to DTM. I want to pass the first time since I've been so written off and if I could study I could feel secure in the knowledge I would pass. If I felt that way it would be easier to evoke the right confidence at the right time.
*Drink 4 bloody Marys and you want remember.*
Must it always end with a comedic reference?
*Doubt is the number one threat facing this country.*
I thought it was bears.
*Bears are #2 this week Doubt is number one. Now, be gone-go get some jammie dodgers or something to distract yourself.*
Thank you blogger.