Time After Time

The second years took comps today. In class the three lucky souls who get to evacuate the program looked dazed and drained. Good Lord that's me in a year! I'm terrified. I'm not ready for that sort of stress. R sez in previous years there's been one spectacular meltdown per class but his class hasn't had one. If at all possible I'd like to avoid being the flame out for my class. Unless I can do it all Loretta Lynn onstage mumbling about "living my own life" that might be fun. Yeh, so I've survived the first initiation. The first semester where "If we can keep 'em past Thanksgiving they're probably in for the long haul." And I survived prof who shall not be named. I'm doing pretty effin good in theory too by cracky. So I guess it's all about what can I make myself do and making myself not have a breakdown is a big part of that. Tho I'm pretty fuckin close to one now.
At school I don't talk to people much. Because I feel very outside and don't know how to really be inside. Tho there are people with whom I am friends. Most really-we are few and if we've made it this far we have to stick together. But meaningful conversations come few and far between. Maybe it's opportunity-I breeze in and out and have a long drive on either side and don't feel too chatty in the interim what with all the disciplinary theorizing and shite going on. But today there was some good accidental conversation. I'd left the FAC and was doing battle with my MD and bitching at the rain when R walked out and we had good craic about the program and the ring of fire we had no idea we'd fallen into. And it's rare craic didn't need booze-tho we should've gone off for a pint-just to celebrate comps after all. Maybe next week---I have 2 projects to do and 2 finals and 3 weeks worth reading and the entire state of California is coming to stay at my house at the end of April so I kinda have some shite to do don't I. Relaxing month ahead of me-no panic attacks for me. I'll have to have them sometime in mid-May after finals and before Little Girl gets her Ivy shrouded diploma. It just seems due a collapse of epic proportions.

So enough about school. Today was a very good day at school there was a cohesiveness we are all in this together-first years, second years, those poor souls in the 4 year plan we are all in this for better or for worse and there is an end in sight. We'll be hanging with Chuckie R. Law before we know it.

Random bit of otherness---the majorthinkers were culture creators for cyndi lauper. helped shape the image for which she became known-quirky punky (but not too punky to be frightening) girly thing. cyndi lauper was the first person I emulated. the first album I remember buying with "my own money." LK was one of the majorthinkers. so the same person who influenced my fashion when I was 8 is influencing me 20 years later in more direct and similarly indirect ways. Isn't that sorta ultra post-modern pre-destined creepy?
Or am I on drugs without my knowledge again?