Recently, I've been editing this so that I don't seem too crazy. So that meant that every part of my life is edited to protect everyone.
Fuck that.
I'm done. I'm not pretending anymore.
I'm miserable and I'm sick of my life and the way it's going. I don't want to come to this job. I hate this job. But it's the only good thing I've got going for me. I can pay my bills. That's better than this time last year. So, I'll keep showing up until I can't take it anymore. Then, who cares? I don't.
Hell, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning-how am I supposed to want to come here and pretend to want to be around people? And I don't want to talk about it or to anyone. I don't want connections. I want to be left alone.
Leave me the hell alone.
I'm a fucking loser. I hate myself. I'm not going to do anything stupid-don't call out the hounds. I'm not stupid. I don't want to die or even hurt. I hurt enough, thanks. I'm in constant pain. The kidding myself part of the game is over. Done. That's it. I'm a worthless sack of shit and I'm getting exactly what I deserve.
Don't expect me to be happy about it and don't try to make me feel better. I don't want to feel better. I feel exactly how I should.