Reasons to Shop at Target

So, being the semi-observant car owner that I am I noted that it's been approx 9,000 miles (or 9 months) since my last oil change. And I figured I oughta change that oil once a year whether it needs it or not. And thus, I went to Super Wal-Mart. Dropped the car off-told it would be about 1 1/2 hours. I needed to buy lip gloss and steaks so I figured that would fill most of my time. I shopped and had a cart full of stuff that while I may not need I was ready and willing to purchase when I went back to Tire and Lube. My keys were quite visible on the counter-the gun pocket knife and bright orange light gave it away. I said to the confused and meek woman behind the counter "There's my keys, I'd like to pick up my car."
"Which keys?" said she.
"Those, right there. With the gun." Surprisingly, this actually narrowed down my keys to my actual keys. And these people call themselves Tennesseans.
A "technician" (quotes making sense in a moment) came in and was talking to a guy in a shirt proclaiming the power of prayer (not specific as to specifics). Prayer Guy-heretoafter referred to as Flanders- was somewhat frustrated because he'd been waiting close to 2 hours for his car and he'd been quoted and hour at the outside for whatever repair he was waiting for.
Guy who wishes he knew how to change the oil on a moped said "Well, maybe he's the guy that owns the car we cain't find the keys fer." Alright, I'm kind of making him a little stupider than he actually sounded-but it's representative of how he acted so there. Wait, can't find the keys? You have a car that you've lost the keys and you don't seem the least worried about this---hey! those are my keys! Mine! Where are you going with my keys?! Then the boneheads wondered around and kept trying to start random cars with my car keys, whilst I'm standing behind the gate to the bay hollering "Those keys are mine! They go to the white Corolla over there! Geez! Toyota! That's a Toyota Key!"
"So they've lost your car too, huh?" said Flanders. "Hey! Just give me my car, will you?"
"Sir, we think we'll have your car in the bay in 30-45 minutes if you could just wait," said the poor cashier woman.
"I will not wait, I have to pick my daughter up," said Flanders. "I'll take my care somewhere else."
"Yeh, gimme my keys too. You know my keys don't you? The ones y'all have been carrying around for the last 5 minutes."
The oldest of the lot of the halfwits got real huffy with me then. "Give her her keys back then," he said.
I took my keys. "There ain't any charge on it, just take it."
"What do you mean there 'ain't no charge?' It's been moved, so obviously somebody messed with it. What's going on."
"I dunno cuz I gone to lunch then. So don't ask me."
"You work here. You must know something."
"Look, lady, I told you. I don't know what happened. I gone to lunch you wanna wait round and talk to Paul you can. But he gone to lunch now so it'll be awhile."
"No, I don't want to wait, I want to know why you couldn't figure out how to change the oil on my car!!"
"Lady! I don't have time with this. I told you-I'd.Gone.To.Lunch. So I don't know. Sez, the oil pan leaks so guess they didn't wanna mess with it," he turned to look leave.
"That's not an answer. I gone to lunch is not an answer. What do you mean my oil pan is leaking, it wasn't leaking when I left the house today. Explain that."
He got up in my face, all toothless bright red semi-literate white trash 50 odd years of him, "Lady, I don't know and I don't care it ain't my problem!" Then he turned, "BUZZ ME OUT!"
"What's your name?"
"It's Randall Moore, what are you going to file a complaint?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact I am." And I did. And it felt good.

Course I had to call the Daddy to ask what to do about the car. He asked the logical question: "How much oil does your car burn?"
"About a quart a month."
"Is there a big oil stain in yr driveway?"
"No."
"Then they're bullshit and just didn't want to fuck with your car. 'Sides, why bother changing the oil in your car anyway? If it burns a quart a month then in three months you have new oil anyway. Not worth the money to get it changed when it's changing itself."
"You're telling me to not change my oil? Isn't that bad for the car?"
"With a car like yours it really doesn't matter."


Oh. And I talked to the sister today.
I left Wally World without my steaks or lip gloss.