I was drinking shots in a bar in france when the notion it came over me
wherein I ponder but don't address at length this comment:
"your writing is good, but comes across as stilted. You don't need to rant and rave, but find your own voice."
wherein opinions thaw in a manner that is noticeable enough as to be discerning-so as recently as a week ago I felt like a hangnail but now, for some reason, you look at me as a viable and dare I say, interesting member of this little society. I'm not knocking it and I would rather be approved of and viewed as interesting than seen as a pest. But what changed? What did I say or do that changed how I am viewed from a strange and testy creature to someone intelligent, thoughtful and developed intellectually enough to be WORTHY of a voice? (something I view as a sign of a particular class level within the community of writers---I believe that I am good at two things, ingesting knowledge and writing---so I have certain concepts about what these abilities entail.)
Ah, feck. I'm not knocking it. I'm just wondering.
In other news. Took my music mid-term today. It was ever so exciting. I have no comment-it was what it was: listen describe identify. If Joe never took this class then I can only assume that there's something about spending time in this portion of Kentucky that leads to classes being structured in this manner. I felt like I was back in the other Bowling Green...only it was November and instead of a blizzard and a toque and mittens and being halfway thru month 2 of 9 months of no sun it was 80 degrees out and I had on a tank top and was barefoot. In this way I much prefer the Bowling Green of now.
***Fun random fact-both Bowling Green's main street is 31W-but it's called Wooster in Ohio***
Spending time in the playhouse is something I wish I'd had the malice of forethought to do last year. I say that, but I know I was much too miserable-hungry-and pre occupied with my position as a coffee whore to do anything but appear, turn in projects and get the hell out of town last year. It makes me sad to realize that because of how fucking hard I had to work I wasn't able to enjoy my higher higher education last year. But courtesy of my position (and by the by I looked up the definition and it's "a lawyer's assistant"-so I am, by definition, a paralegal) I have the ability to be a part of the program and take part in the community.
When T walked into the store and I talked to him-then he came back a couple of days later with S and they invited me for "rum drinks" I almost didn't go....I don't trust men. I am ever so fond of men but I don't trust them. So why-WHY?-did I go for "rum drinks" that night? Was it because I figured S made it safe? No one can say-I think that somethings just happen because they have to happen. T & S are an example of that. This job is the reason I don't have an assistantship-I'm not sure what the long term reason is and sometimes I wish I had a less close kint job (we are too close, it's good it's bad, it is what it is) but I am glad for what I have. This job, strange as it is-is why I have been able to take the time to hang out-go to Frankfort and ATL and be more than a seat warmer in the program. So it's good.
I don't have any grades in the rest of my classes. Other than the one that gets a lot of cyberink. I will probably fail out-because it is No-fuckin-vember (I'm campaigning to get the month's name changed) and I am clueless as to what will be the culmination of my classes. You know, other than pain and sorrow. That's a given. Every time I turn in a paper,present a project or discuss a concept that interests me I am sure that is the moment wherein everyone will learn that I am a fraud.
Lollipops taste good when dipped in wine. At the MSDW&L there's 3 for $12 wines. These are the only wines I buy-sometimes there's good shit and soemtimes all there is is shit. I picked up a couple of Twin Fin wines on suggestion of a local connesieur (I believe his name was Otis) and two days later went back for more. I asked if that was going to be regular and LO and BE-Fuckin-HOLD! This wine all the Eastside winos are diggin is going from $3.50 to $9.99 a bottle. Fuckers. So I am faced with the dillema: but a case and drink myself insensitive on this tasty wine at an affordable price for a month maybe or accept that my new favorite taste sensation will have to be a treat instead of a bottle a night tradition?
I babble. This is why I refrain from using my voice in scholarly articles.
Don't go to too much trouble minding me-I'm just another red headed paddy soliciting possible cemetary orgy participants
*my hair is only my the loosest of definitions red.
**I can't prove I"m a paddy-tho it seems likely.Daddy claimed he was raised by wolves
***in general nothing I say can be proved.
****it might be best to take me with a grain of salt
*****nothing, I just like asterix
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