There's no such thing as an original sin

Last post on the CultCon MT---promise.

I am forced to ponder, being that I'm the pondering kind, what exactly this means...Y'know, whether it's good or bad.
For you see---I wanted to be sure I knew what I was doing for a course related thing-y. At least to the point that I ever do. Swung by the office, only need a minute you know, so while it wasn't polite I stopped by in the last few minutes of the workday. Blah blah blah idle chatter but this is my point----The information was relayed to me that it had been relayed to the person with whom I was speaking that I had done notably well on my mid-term.
Well, I was delighted. Not because I need the approval of anyone--tho, I suppose I do because without approval of some sort I will not succeed academically. And it feels good to know that my work is being noticed and that I'm not breaking my balls for fun and games. But I readily admit, I was pleased because that meant that I was getting attention for my ability as an individual-this is a purely solitary emotion that I felt. I have something to prove. Not, I feel like I have something to prove-I do. I have to prove that on my own I can be good at this shit I'm studying--I have to prove that I may not live in town and I may have to work an actual job and I may be poor as dirt and on the dole just to survive and I may not be a darling for all those reasons (I may have my own charm because of the same)---every thing I've got I've fought and earned. And the reward means so much more to me than if I didn't have to work as hard as I do. Everything I get is worth more because I know I shouldn't still be in the program because I wasn't given one miserable break and it's those breaks that make the degree possible.
What I said was: "Well, then I must've done particularly well if she's mentioning it."
What I thought was- best left out of a forum that might be public in some way.