Yr either out of control or yr stuck

Hey, look. I'm proud of me. I knocked out a year of graduate school today. Yea me. Go me. Huzzah. But you know what else=I don't know if I want to do it anymore. I really don't. I hate the town, I don't feel like the program or the faculty (as a whole) is all that interested in anything but getting a few graduates a year-quality matters not nearly so much as quantity and I don't like having to leave Nashville.
The male half of the couple asked me what my goal was after I finished the program and I didn't know. I'd thought for ever that I can remember that I would be a professor get a PhD and be Dr. Me. But I don't know if I want to fuck with this anymore. I'm tired, and I'm stressed and I am really really over being a coffee whore. I have a college degree, I'm going to be thirty in a year and a half and I am performing the exact same duties I was doing with none of those things when I was barely 20. That doesn't feel good. Add the fact that I'm getting paid less than I was at 22 and imagine how good I feel when I go into work. I want to have money, and security and I really think maybe I would be kind of happy if I wasn't having to juggle work and school and socializing and everything like that.
I'm tired. I am so fucking tired. And what am I doing this for? It's not like it's going to really give me anything but another line on my resume. You want the truth? I'll probably go back next semester. Because I'm halfway there and quitting seems so easy and I never do anything nice and easy. Even tho thanks to Marilyn and Angela flaking out on me I won't have an assistantship and so I'll be another year broke and having to wait on the dole line. Yes, I blame them. Maybe it's wrong but I think that they're lack of consideration and unwillingness to take 15 minutes to say something vaguely polite about my skills and abilities is the main reason I feel like this right now. Compile that with the fact that no one in authority at school had any words of support to offer me about my situation other than "better luck next time." It really doesn't have a girl feeling good. I work hard, and I have done well. So why haven't I got this one break? It really seems like maybe I'm not supposed to be in this program. Even though I like it-I don't LOVE it it doesn't leave me feeling good tired. No, I feel bad tired. I fought my own battles and I think I may have lost, not because I didn't fight hard enough, but because I chose the wrong people to align myself with.
Well, now, this could change. Some stroke of good fortune could lead me to get an assistantship. Maybe someone declines the offer for an assistantship opening one up for me- or a miracle occurs and I manage to get two people to write me letters of recommendation-and email them to the office of graduate studies- in the next 48 hours. This could happen. And then, maybe I wouldn't feel so goddamn beaten. But that's how I feel now. When I should feel so proud, so accomplished I just feel fucked.